I'm serious, what are you selling? Why are you doing this?
Hey, stop talking like that; you're important to us. It's a funny and valuable service - and that's gratifying. Plus, we designated our moms - and we think everyone deserves that kind of comfort.
Who gets my contact info?
We will not give or sell your contact info to ANYONE.
What else does this website do?
Nothing - this is it.
How will you pay for maintenance?
That's an excellent question. If you like this site - why not give us a dollar?
Will my Contacts receive notification that they have been designated?
Yup! We're working on a gold embossed certificate to honor this momentous declaration of your faith and trust in them, but for now we're just going to send them an email. It looks like this:
Subj: {Your Name} has chosen you!
Dear {Designated Contact},
We're writing to inform you that {Your Name} has selected YOU for {his/her} very exclusive list of Designated Contacts on www.ProbablyNotDead.com.
This is a grand gesture and not to be taken lightly. Our simple, yet pretty comical service, allows {Your Name} to select two mighty special people to receive email notification if {she/he} doesn't log in to our site for 24, 48 or 144 hours (that's 6 days, we preserve one day for spiritual retreat), or 696 hours (29 days).
Peace of mind at last. If you don't receive communication from us, then it's a safe bet that {Your Name} has faithfully logged-in to reset {her/hs} timer - and therefore is probably not dead.
Please let us know immediately if you do not feel fit to carry out your duty as a Designated Contact. In other words, we're not trying to prompt uncomfortable conversations - but right now - we're thinking that {Your Name} feels pretty special about you, and if you don't feel the same way - you should probably tell {her/him}.
Sincerely yours, ProbablyNotDead.com Team info [@] probablynotdead.com
And then, we promise they won't hear from us again - unless we don't hear from you.
Will you guys be my Designated Contacts?
We don't do that. Listen, we can't be everything to you - you're going to need to make other friends .
Which of the four possible deadlines is best for me?
This is a very personal decision. Here are some helpful guidelines:
24 hours – You understand that every day life is a gamble.
48 hours – The human body can survive up to 3 days without water – but why wait? Give your designated contacts a 24 hour (give or take) head start before serious dehydration sets in.
144 hours (6 days) - Longer than a day, shorter than a month.
696 hours (29 days) – Like the moon, you want to check-in monthly. Understandable. And as long as a reasonable source of water is present, the human body can survive up to several weeks without food. So this may also be a good option if you feel that your safety is most at risk near water, i.e. while showering, or brushing your teeth.
Will I be able to pause my account?
Of course. That option is easily found in your Account Settings.
Can I pay you to call me?
Yes you can. For a minimal weekly, monthly or yearly fee we will "cheerfully" call you up to three times a day (negotiable) for up to one-minute per call (negotiable).
As an added bonus, you may choose to have us identify as "your secret admirer," or the "celebrity of the day" (living or dead, excluding politicians and religious figures).
As with our online service, if you fail to answer, we will give you one more try before notifying your designated contacts via email. We will not call your designated contacts (negotiable).
Please email us for more information:
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Important note: As much as we appreciate your many and varied senses of humor, serious inquiries only please.
What if someone dies?
We will stop our service, and write a bestseller.
What if you save someone?
We will leverage our new equity and write a bestseller.
What if I use this service to harass my ex by constantly terrorizing him / her with the possibility that I may have made good on my threat to kill myself?
We reserve the right to cancel anyone's membership at anytime for any reason.
However, we do allow for an appeal process. You may qualify for this process, because of, for example, a particularly intriguing series of events leading up to the abuse of our service. In a case where many complex factors seem to be in play - it may take several weeks to resolve - during which time it would be unfair to wrongly suspend your account.
Further Disclaimer
This site is purely for entertainment purposes. If you find yourself in an emergency situation – do not wait for an email to save you – dial 911, call for help or take some other logical action to save yourself. We are not responsible if your designated contacts don’t check their email, or our message gets relegated to their SPAM box, or you mistyped their addresses and it never reaches them at all.
I still have questions and / or concerns.
Alright. Let's hear 'em.
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